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Sexuality
The teen years are exciting. They can also be confusing. Your body is changing.
You are dealing with new feelings. You may find yourself thinking about and exploring your sexuality. Forms of sexual expression can range from holding hands and hugging to touching, kissing, and having sexual intercourse or other forms of sex.
This pamphlet explains
• physical and emotional changes
• how to deal with sexual feelings
• forms of sexual expression
• deciding about sex
YOUR SEXUALITY
Sex is a normal, healthy part of being human. In your teen years, your body starts changing. You may also begin to think about sex and your sexuality.
Physical Changes
Puberty starts when your brain sends signals to certain parts of the body to start growing and changing. These signals are called hormones. Hormones make your body change and start looking more like an adult's.
It is normal for changes to start as early as age 8 or as late as age 13. These changes do not happen all at once. Over time, the following changes happen:
• Your breasts grow.
• Your hips get wider.
• You grow taller and gain weight.
• You grow hair under your arms and around your vulva.
• You get your first menstrual period.
• You may get acne.
Boys' bodies also change during puberty. These changes happen when their testicles start working. This usually happens between the ages of 12 and 14:
• They grow taller and gain weight.
• Their testicles and penis get bigger.
• They start to grow hair on their faces, under their arms, and around the genitals.
• Their voices get deeper.
• Their testicles begin to make sperm.
• They may get acne.
Emotional Changes
During your teen years, hormones can also cause you to have strong feelings, including sexual feelings. You may have these feelings for someone of the same gender or a different gender.
Thinking about sex or just
wanting to hear or read about sex is normal. It is normal to want to be held and touched by others. But it helps to decide how far you are ready to go with these sexual feelings.
EXPRESSING SEXUAL FEELINGS
There are many ways to express sexuality. Sexual intercourse (vaginal sex) is one way. Others include masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex.
Masturbation
Touching or rubbing your own genitals (such as the clitoris, vagina, or penis can give you pleasure. This is known as masturbation. It can help you learn what kind of touch makes you feel good. Masturbation can let you enjoy your sexuality without having sex with another person before you are ready.
Touching a partner's genitals or other body parts can provide sexual pleasure.
Touching will not cause pregnancy and is less likely to cause a sexually transmitted infection (STI) than other sexual activi-ties. STIs are infections that are passed to others through sexual contact (read the box "Sexually Transmitted Infections").
Oral Sex
Oral sex is when one partner's mouth comes into contact with the other partner's genitals. Some teens believe oral sex is not really sex because it does not cause pregnancy. But it can spread STIs. If you have oral sex with more than one person, or if your partner has had oral sex with more than one person, it is possible to get an STI.
Using a condom or dental dam during oral sex helps protect you (read the box
"How to Use a Condom"). Dental dams are made of latex or polyurethane, like condoms. They are used between the mouth and the vagina or anus during oral sex.
Sexual Intercourse
During sexual intercourse, or vaginal sex, the hard (erect) penis goes into the vagina and moves in and out. This can lead to orgasm.
Orgasm can also happen during oral sex, anal sex, or masturbation.
During vaginal sex, when the male partner has an orgasm, the penis spurts semen into the vagina. Semen contains millions of sperm. The sperm can swim up into the uterus and then a fallopian tube, where sperm can fertilize an egg. This can lead to pregnancy.
​If you have vaginal sex and do not want to get pregnant, use a reliable birth control method every time.
Birth control can reduce the chance of getting pregnant.
Learn about the different kinds of birth control. Some are better at preventing pregnancy than others. Your doctor or a clinic can help you choose birth control that is right for you.
Vaginal sex can also lead to STIs. Some birth control methods, such as condoms made of latex or polyure-thane, help prevent both pregnancy and STIs. Even if you are using another form of birth control, you need to use a condom to help protect against STIs.
Anal Sex
Another form of sex is anal sex, in which the penis is placed into the other partner's anus. This form of sex can greatly increase the risk of getting an STI, including HIV. Anal sex can cause tiny tears in the rectum and anus.
The germs that cause an STI may enter the body through these tears. Using a condom during anal sex can help protect you against STIs.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
STIs are infections that are spread by sexual contact, including vaginal, oral, or anal sex, with someone who has an STI. Many STIs have no symptoms or only mild symptoms. You may not even know you have an STI until you get tested.
Some of the types of STIs include the following:
• Gonorrhea and chlamydia
• Human papillomavirus (HPV)
• Syphilis
• Genital herpes
• Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV)
• Trichomoniasis
• Hepatitis B virus
Some STIs can make you unable to have a baby later on. Some are painful. Some can cause serious, long-lasting diseases. Many STIs, including HIV, hepatitis, and herpes, can only be treated, not cured.
Anyone who has sex, even one time, can get pregnant or get an STI. The only way not to get an STI is to not have sexual contact with a person who is infected. If you are already sexually active, be sure to use a condom or dental dam every time you have sex, including vaginal, oral, or anal sex.
To decrease your risk of getting and spreading STIs, follow these guidelines:
• Get vaccinated against HPV.
• Know your sexual partners-The more partners you or your partners have, the higher your risk of getting an STI.
• Use condoms or dental dams.
• See your health care professional for counseling and screening.
GENDER IDENTITY
Gender identity is your sense of your own gender. Your gender may be male, female, both male and female, neither male nor female, or something else. This identity may or may not be the same as the sex you were assigned at birth. Gender identity (who you are) is not the same thing as sexual orientation (who you are attracted to).
Most people are told they are a boy or a girl (male or female) based on the genitals they were born with. This is the sex you are assigned at birth. If someone is transgender or nonbinary, that male or female label does not match their gender identity.
Some people may feel that they belong to neither gender or to both genders. People who feel this way are sometimes called gender nonbinary, gender fluid, or genderqueer.
Many communities accept transgender and nonbinary people without bias. But some communities do not. Some transgender and nonbinary people may feel scared and alone. If you are feeling confused about your gender, or if you are being bullied or mistreated, talk with a trusted adult.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
Sexual orientation is a person's emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to other people:
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"Lesbian" means you are a female who is attracted to other females.
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"Gay" means you are attracted to people of the same gender.
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"Bisexual" means you are attracted to people of more than one gender.
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"Straight" means you are attracted to people who are not your gender.
Many teens are attracted to members of their own gender during puberty. Things they have done-holding hands with a friend of the same gender, looking at or touching each other's genitals-may make them wonder if they are gay or lesbian.
These activities are normal in teens. Some discover that they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual during these years.
Many people feel they are not 100 percent gay, straight, or bisexual. Some people use the label "queer," which means any sexual orientation that is not straight.
Some people may not use any of these labels, and that is OK too. It is also possible to not feel any sexual attraction. This is sometimes called "asexual."
Who you are attracted to is not a choice you make or something that can be changed. Some people may have a hard time talking about their sexual orientation. Some may not be accepted by their families and friends. This may lead to feeling lonely or depressed. Some people may even consider suicide. If you feel confused or unhappy, talk with an adult you can trust. If you cannot talk with your parents, ask a teacher, doctor, or school counselor for help.
DECIDING ABOUT SEX
With all the sex shown on television, in movies, and in music videos, it is easy to think "everyone is doing it." But that is not true. Less than one half of high-school teens have had sexual intercourse. That means that more than one half have not. These days, more teens are waiting longer before having sex for the first time. Not having sex is the best way to prevent pregnancy and STIs.
Ask yourself what your feelings are about sex. Are you really ready for sex? If you are dating, do you know how the other person feels about sex? Make up your own mind about the right time for you. Do not have sex just because
• you think everyone else is
• you think it will make you more popular
• you are talked into it
​you are afraid the other person will break up with you if you do not
• you feel that it will make you more grown-up
If you are not ready for sex, say so, and stick to your decision. It is OK to say "no." If the other person truly cares about you, they should respect your decision. If you do decide to have sex or other sexual contact, protect yourself from STIs by using a condom or dental dam each time. Use birth control if you are having vaginal sex and don't want to get pregnant.
If you have decided to wait, think about what you will say ahead of time if someone pressures you to have sex. The following examples can work:
• "If you love me, you will have sex with
Answer: "If you really love me, you will not pressure me."
• "You are the only one I will ever love."
Answer: "Good, then we will have lots of time later."
• "If you don't want to have sex with me, I will find someone who will." Answer: "That's your choice. My choice is to not have sex."
​You should not feel pressure to have sex with someone, especially if the person is a few years older than you or is an adult. It is considered sexual assault for an older person to have sex with someone who is much younger. Tell your parents or other trusted adult if an older person or adult is pressuring you for sex.
Do not be afraid to forcefully say no on a date. Be aware that using alcohol or drugs can affect your judgment and your reaction time (read the box "Safety").
Safety
In the United States, 1 in 15 girls between the ages of 12 and 17 reports having been raped.
Rape is any genital, oral, or anal penetration without consent.
Most victims know the person who raped them. It may be someone they were dating. It may be a friend of the same age or an adult. The offender might use physical force or threats. Often alcohol or drugs are used before rape. No matter who the offender is, rape is
Although rape is never the victim's fault, it makes sense to take precautions to protect yourself. Avoid situations that might put you at risk for unwanted sex. Avoid walking alone.
Limit alcohol and drug use. Never leave a drink unattended. Always go to parties with a friend and check in on each other. Never leave without your friend and never leave with a stranger.
Another issue facing teens is intimate partner violence (also known as domestic violence). This type of violence can happen between couples in relationships. It can involve physical violence, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse. Even threats of violence are considered intimate partner violence. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to seek help.
Tell an adult-a parent, teacher, doctor, or counselor.
The internet is a great place to learn about the world and to keep up with your friends, but it can also be unsafe. You may be exposed to unwanted sexual material or be harassed.
You may meet people online who want to talk about sex or meet you.
Never give out personal information (like your name, address, phone number, or school). Use a fake name for user names. Keep your profiles private so that only people you know can see your information.
Never agree to meet someone in person that you met on the internet. Be aware that adults can pose as teenagers online. Do not respond to any message or email that makes you feel uncomfortable. Report these messages to parents, guardians, or other authorities.
FINALLY...
Being a teen can be both exciting and confusing. You face many decisions. To make the right ones for you, talk with someone you trust-your parents, your doctor, a teacher, a school counselor, or a coach—if you have questions. Being well-informed can help you make good choices as you deal with your new feelings about sexuality.